Let the games begin.......
So
it’s the first day of the show (even though I’ve still got a dead demo)
and we don’t take taxis today - there’s enough of us to warrant a rental
bus. We get a dedicated bus ride to show - and it's an "E Ticket"
to be sure. I thought cab rides were a thrill a minute… then I rode
on a bus. While it lacks the sheer high-speed "soon to meet your
maker" feel of the cab rides, there was a new element of the bending of
the laws of physics that leads me to believe that Brazilian Buses violate
the time/space continuum. On several turns and in several narrow
passing situations I am relatively certain that 2 pieces of matter occupied
the same space at the same moment in time. Seemingly impossible,
I know - but I assure you it happened more than once. As always,
I was glad to be at our destination when we finally got there... we stepped
off the bus & were greeted by the assailing stench of a sewage treatment
plant festering in the sun somewhere up wind. It was yet another
harbinger of the day to come......
Today
the weather was kickin’. It didn’t help matters that we were on a
mezzanine and 30 feet below a tin roof. I was dripping. Oddly enough
by afternoon it was really cold. Weather was hotter back in Pittsburgh
than in Brazil! However, I should note that the cool weather was
the result of a torrential downpour. It rained so hard that it sounded
like a freight train was pulling through the building. Susan, Laura,
and I were at lunch - we couldn’t talk over the racket. And yes -
the roof leaked over our booth space (but not much - just enough to get
me to flip out & wonder what else was going to happen).
Like
I said - one of my demos was DOA. Miraculously, I was able to get
it back on line (after a $400.00 phone call to the states). Damn,
I’m good….
Out
booth bunnies were all dressed in white body suits. And hard-hats.
And orange vests. Oddly stupid looking & strangely stimulating
at the same time. They were cute, but no real supermodels in this
batch (mainly because we wanted bunnies that had a semblance of a brain
as well as looks). Nothing at all like the eye-candy that had been
hired for the Tokyo show. Seems that the really cute ones are as
dumb as a box of hammers. But I would gladly have circled their cones
- orange or otherwise.
I
didn’t get to witness this one in person, but apparently someone made the
mistake of placing one hand on a demo table & one hand on the booth
frame and BZZZZT! I made a point of speaking to every person in our
booth (staff, that is) and warning them not to cross ground or they take
a chance on defibrillating themselves. Weee! Quality is job
one here in Brazil! I remember when my dad showed me how to cook
a hot dog with 2 forks & an extension cord. I'm sure our booth
could cook a Brazilian in a similar fashion.
IT'S ALIVE!!! IT'S
ALIVE!!!
Finally
- I found a sign of life here in Brazil. Across the "hall" (all five
feet of it) was a booth with magazines & books. And what should
my eyes behold but nothing less than a QUAKE
II book for sale - in Portuguese, no less!
There is hope for this 3rd world country after all. It was
like 29 Reals. These guys ended up giving Susan some classical magazine
that had a CD. Nice idea, a magazine that has album reviews &
an accompanying CD that has samples that follow the reviews in the magazine.
Nice idea - unless, of course, the music totally sucks. Susan
asked to have the CD thrown in at the end of the night. We left it
in for about 5 minutes before we yanked it and banned it from the booth.
She was not pleased & tried to get us all to see the merits of the
wailing harpy that was on track number one. No one was buying, however.....
Susan
& I decide to go for lunch (very late in the day) and we head downstairs
to the food alley. Of all the places with food only one has anything
but sausage (really gross sausage) or beef. "Frango" is chicken -
and we found one of the stands that had Filet de Frango on the menu (with
a half pound of cheese, of course). So we order two & some beverages
after several minutes of communications difficulties - only to have the
cook yell at the counter girl since there isn’t any chicken left.
We go through several more minutes of communications problems & get
a refund (and a corrected receipt). Susan hands the guy back the
receipt for the higher value. Dummy. So we are forced to go to the
"Food by the Kilo" buffet that’s right upstairs by the booth. I’m
not saying the staff in there was apathetic - but I was about to check
for a pulse on a few of them. And the food?? YumYum. The main
courses were "Salt & Fish Stew" and "Beef Jerky". I don’t believe
that that was the intention, but that’s what they had. The fish crap
was the Brazilian version of bakala or whatever that dago salted cod crap
is - and it was absolutely horrible. Salt & bones in a watery
sauce - that’s it. Laura joined us a few minutes later & had
ordered the "beef roast". It was so tough she had to pick it up in
her hands & rip it apart with her teeth. I felt very primal.
I tasted a bit & it reminded me of "Wild Bill’s Beef Jerky" Salt
& all.
So
our booth is on the top floor of the show hall - and no one knows were
up here. It was a total ghost town. I think we took 8 leads
all day. It was so bad that the other vendors (about 15 of them)
got together a petition to try & get the show management to close one
of the doors into the hall & FORCE all of the visitors to come up the
stairs & walk the hall to the other end to get back down to the other
hall. They wanted us to sign this thing. We refused. (We had
our own deal in the works already). I was reminded of the Frankenstein
movie when all the villagers show up at the castle with burning torches.
Attica! Attica!
As
if things weren’t bad enough in the booth - we were about to do one of
our presentations & all of a sudden we hear this strange voice blaring
over our booth PA system. To make a long story short it turned out
that our wireless mikes were on the same frequency as that of a booth on
the floor - and we were crosstalking up a storm. We had to plan the
rest of out show with them so that we would have our presentations staggered
so as to avoid another chattering presentation.
I’ll
make this brief - but I had to take a quick bathroom break (I’ve been pounding
water like … well, water) Now, mind you, I wasn’t looking (well,
listening) for any company - but it was a bit hard not to notice.
Some poor guy was decidedly in a state of advanced intestinal distress.
I guess he drank the agua! Brother - better you than me. I
made a hasty exit…. I'm sure Howard Stern would have loved a tape,
however...
Have
I mentioned the napkin sizes here in Brazil? Well, it’s not worth
going into at great length - but a "big" napkin is roughly the size of
half a bar napkin in the states. An average napkin is like a rolling paper
(not that I know what size one is, mind you). The best part is that
they are made from some non-absorbent yet easy to tear material.
I don't know what they're doing with all the trees that are supposedly
vanishing from the rainforests - but I can tell you they are not being
made into paper products.
After
the show the entire group went to the another churroscarea - "Fogo de Chau"
which means Fire from the Ground. The best part is that when the
Brazilians say it it sounds like "frugal dishtowel". I went to my
room for some much needed rest.....
My
new word of the day came in handy at dinner time: sem osouch (without bones)
and / or desosado (boneless). We were going out for chicken…
Susan and I bailed on the group & went to Galeto's for an awesome dinner
of boneless game hen (roasted) and four cheese fettucini. We ate
on the patio (so as to better enjoy the car exhaust). Our waiter
decided that we were not in a hurry to eat dinner - even though it was
11:00 at night. On our way home we passed another "family"
working the street - I got touched by a street urchin on the arm.
I wanted a shower immediately. Poor little kid (a little girl) she
was really cute, but it was sad to see her working for her crack head mom….
This kid need a bath Bill needs an iron. Susan & I made a few
really bad jokes like "Those poor people should really buy some nicer things"
and stuff like that. We'll burn, I'm sure....
I
got home to the hotel & did a bit of channel surfing - and stumbled
upon Channel 42 and "Sexy Time". As close as you can get to porno
without showing the thrusting genitalia. I will have to tune in again tomorrow
night. Oddly enough, I turned on this channel in the morning, &
they were showing the old Flash Gordon series from like the 30’s.. Weird..
Time
for the fun of Day 6....