The madness continues......
Show Day #2
Due
to the length of the show & the limited supply of show shirts I was
forced to get some laundry done. Being the somewhat anal type I separated
my shit into 2 loads, believing I was doing them a favor & insuring
that my stuff didn't get incinerated or bleached beyond recognition.
So I carry my 2 bags of grungies down to the front desk (on my way to breakfast)
& present them to a horrified counter clerk. She politely informs
me (with her eyes as big as dinner plates) that in the future I can simply
leave my stuff in my room (in a bag) and they will take care of it.
Filthy peasant. I am so out of my league with these stuffed shirt
places. I am decidedly a Motel 6 & chicken wing kind of guy....
So
this show doesn’t start until 1:00 (since most of Brazil can't seem to
get it's ass in gear and/or out of traffic before then) - so we get the
morning off. Susan & I decide to go exploring after breakfast.
Over breakfast I am privileged to witness a prime example of the complexity
of the female mind. All has finally been made clear to me & I
finally understand.
Susan gets a cup
of tea.
Susan opens up TWO packs
of sugar
-
but only adds ONE HALF
of each into the cup.
She tries to defend herself
& explain this off - but it’s too late, the damage is done…. forever
emblazoned here within my memoirs.....
Susan tells me a little tale about our Network of Steel folks and their
adventures the night before. It would take WAY too long to explain
all this - but the NoS guys believe they are the sh!t (lucky Laura is their
coordinator). So it was little surprise to learn that the 5 of them
went out for Italian food - and spent $700.00 for one dinner. The
joint took no credit cards, so they ended up having to call the hotel &
charge it to one of the guys rooms. All in a days work when you are
the cream of the crop at FORE.
Anyway - Susan & I decide to hike up Avenue de Paulista - to
get postcards & see "Casa des Rosas" (pronounced "Hoses"). Along
the way we stop in a few newspaper huts to get postcards - and I see a
poster of James Brown with the Portuguese version of "The Godfather of
Soul" on it. It would have been cool to have that thing. Susan
& I are making fools of ourselves trying to pay for our stuff.
2 stock boys or something are working & smiling & whispering to
one another. Susan & I say "Stupid American" and this really
makes the guys laugh. I look at them & say "Don’t think we don’t
know you guys say that…." Ha Ha.
Casa des Rosas (Hoses) was really neat.. And really closed (until 4:00).
We got to walk the grounds, however, and there were some good photo ops.
On one side of the grounds there is a little greenhouse with the biggest
Elk Horn fern it it I've ever seen. I take a moment to do my best
Marylin Monroe on an exhaust vent next to the greenhouse.
In the back of the place was a bank - and in front of it were some really
cool looking flowers. I though I’d take a few pictures of them -
but the bank guard had other ideas. He made it pretty clear that
he wanted no photos taken in the general direction of the bank. Sadly,
there was this huge wall garden on the other side of the grounds, but he
was having no part of me getting photos of this either - regardless of
the fact that it faced the other side of the grounds & not the bank.
We did, however, convince the guard at Casa des Rosas to let us up on the
porch for a few quick snaps.
So we head up the road to find other goodies - an stamps. We find
a postal shop & line up to get what we need. Mind you, to this
point I’ve not mentioned the amount of attention my camera has been getting
as we walk down the road. They don’t sell Nikon in Brazil - much
less the huge penis of Nikon’s like the one I own. I am getting the
hairy eyeball from all over. Anyway, we get to the window & I
notice this guy (who’s been giving me & my camera the hairy eyeball)
suddenly leave the line & go stand over by the door. Odd.
We finish our stuff & head out - and he follows. I tell Susan
to come with me and we head straight for a trash can - where I turn and
stare at this guy while I finger my pepper gas can in a menacing manner.
At this point in time I am ready to hose somebody - even the errant 5 year
old that happens to touch my arm. Sadly, he sees me seeing him
- and suddenly the sidewalk is the most interesting thing in his world.
We continue without incident.
I am so intent on getting across the street that I forget to take a picture
of this huge chunk of petrified tree in the middle of the sidewalk.
Too bad - maybe next time….
Now we’re
on the other side of the street & heading back towards the hotel to
get ready for the show. We see St. Catherine’s hospital & decide
to get a few photos. In front there’s an Asian couple taking delivery
of their newborn - and the hospital staff films it all - until the car
has driven away out of site. We take a few snaps as well. On
the wall of this facility are some "unique" paintings depicting the legendary
Catherine & her acts of heroism and whatnot (against the Huns or something
like that). Sadly, in order to get her Sainthood (I guess) she had
to get beheaded. I got a photo of that particular painting.
By now Susan has wandered up on the front porch area of this church/hospital
- where she is accosted by a security guard and asked to get out.
We comply (after a few more choice photos)
As we stroll up the avenue we are treated to a ton of oddities - and we
get on Brazilian TV! Some sort of on the street interview show is
going on & we pass by in the background. Even though she is dead
I take the opportunity for a typically American "Hi Mom" for the camera.
Hey - funny is funny….
As we stroll along I see several women with figures that defy laws of space
& time. I am duly impressed. I also see a guy that has
had the snot kicked out of him. One of his eyes is a mass of burst
capillaries. Eeech. Perhaps he was caught staring at one of
the aforementioned women. Note to self: Do Not Stare at the 40DD’s.
As we go around a corner to cross the street we pass one of the many "open"
drug stores. And there is a dog wandering in & out. Susan
& I burst into a spontaneous chorus of "How much is that doggy in the
drugstore". Fun. Drugstores here are an odd thing. Since
the folks are so poor many of them cannot go to the doctor to get a prescription
- so they simply go to a drugstore & talk to the pharmacist.
He can, at his discretion, write them prescriptions, and then fill them.
No comment.
We get back to the hotel (just beating the rain) and we decide to go to
the little bake shop next door for a light lunch - and we pass a video
rental store. I got a great shot of the Austin Powers movie poster
in Portuguese.
We also stop in a little mountain climbing store just for the hell of it
- and we’re admiring the photos all over the walls. I must have had
a little too much Portuguese exposure - cause I’m reading the side of this
one picture & I tell Susan it’s of the "Go-Blin Valley, USA"
It takes me a minute to realize the word is "goblin". Yet again we
get to say "stupid Americans" much to the pleasure of the store owner.
Susan will hound me about this till much later in the trip when she makes
a similar faux pa.
Today the booth bunnies are in red. The white body suits are deemed
too stupid looking. Depends on who you ask, I guess….
Today for the show lunch we get down in time for the Frango sammich. We
get told we're VIP's (whatever that means) Susan asks what a particular
sammich is - and the counter lady (NOT the cute one) tries to show us what
"breast" is. It was quite entertaining and involved the profuse rubbing
of her chestorial regions - and had the cute one done the same thing I
may have slipped a 5 in her belt (she was wearing one of the "belly shirts")
On the bus ride home one of the higher ups in Marketing (Rich Kushner)
tells us all the story of the first time he met me. We were in a
planning meeting for my first show, and I was trying my best to blend into
the furniture. Rich was at the far end of the table & there was
a bit of conversation taking place about a piece of software. Rich
was saying "….it’s German or Danish or something…." At which point he recalls
hearing a voice at the other end of the room go "mmmm....Danish" in a decidedly
Homer Simpson tone. We all got a good laugh out of it….
I decide to join the gang for the group dinner tonight: Japanese.
My enthusiasm is boundless, I can tell you. We go to this place that
lets you cook your own food in front of you (if that's what your dish calls
for). A bunch of folks got "Shabu Shabu" - where they bring you a
mini bidet of boiling broth & you get to cook a bunch of stuff in it.
The idea is that you take your meat & wave it back & forth in the
hot broth saying "Shabu Shabu" - and at that point it’s cooked enough to
eat. Susan likes her meat like tanned hide so it was more like "Shabu
to the 312th power" before she rescued the now-leather like meat product
from the bubbling cauldron of stuff. Dinner inevitably degraded to
bidet talk which was quite fun. More good photo ops. Cesar
(one of the SE’s from the states that speaks Portuguese) can really tuck
away the groceries.... I had tempura prawns
On to Day 7....