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Sandra Saunders
took a very early interest in art because she was surrounded by it.
Her mother was an occasional artist who would pull her pastels or
watercolors out on rainy weekends. Her paternal grandmother published
poems and juvenile books that were richly illustrated, and was also
the kind of grandmother who put Sandra in her lap and read her a
beautifully illustrated childrens' book. The maternal grandmother had
a home hung with good prints of famous paintings (including one of
Cezanne's "Cardplayers") as well as wonderful oils by the
locally famous artists.
Sandra
doesn't remember exactly when she started painting. She has some of
the usual kindergarten and grade school art she brought home to her
mother. She does remember designing and creating clothes for her
paper doll, and then because one doll wasn't interesting enough, more
dolls and more clothes.
As
she grew older, she found relief from an emotionally and physically
abusive home life in writing poetry and painting. In school she found
much needed self-esteem in performing plays and winning the usual
local and national art awards.
Leaving home at 17, she attended various colleges and worked at jobs
in sales and restaurants until she married at the age of 24.
Following a common pattern for abused children, she married a
batterer. As often happens, her alcoholic mate never hit her before
marriage, but once she was "HIS," he felt free to beat her
as often as three times a week. Many times he came close to killing
her in one manner or another, including pointing a gun at her head or
strangling her. Emotionally shattered, lacking self-esteem or
resources, Sandra endured 13 years of horrible violence before
finding the strength to leave.
One
thing that sustained Sandra throughout her marriage was painting. Her
husband didn't allow her many pleasures but he did allow her to
paint. Occasionally he would destroy something she had painted, but
he also liked to hang the paintings in his restaurant and sell
them.... telling people HE had done them. This was easy for him to do
since to please him Sandra signed them with her married last name and
he kept her away from his business saying he wanted a stay-at-home
wife. Besides, it was often not feasible for her to be in public with
so many bruises. And as time went by, Sandra suffered from strange
psychological symptoms. She would "panic" while in a fight
with her husband. She didn't realize it was the onset of Agoraphobia
and Post-Traumatic
Stress.
What
happened to Sandra is similar to what happens to prisoners of war
that have endured long years of physical and psychological torture.
Scientists believe there is even a change in the brain chemistry of
these individuals that causes them to have a a physical over-reaction
to stress. Sandra has improved greatly in the 20 years since her
divorce, but she still suffers to some extent from this disability.
Sandra
spends up to 15 hours a day in her small studio apartment painting.
She believes there would be less meanness and violence in the world
if people appreciated the arts more. "People need the arts to
release negative feelings and find the softer/kinder side of
themselves." She believes the lack of the arts in the schools
and homes has contributed to the rise of violence in our society.
Sandra, who has taught children, says a child who can express his
fear or pain in a poem, a painting, or music, is less likely to turn
to violence. But instead, family and society often ridicule creative
kids that do these things. |